Tools for Families

Tools for Families

10 Things to Do at Home

  1. Focus on strengths. When your child brings home a test, talk first about what he or she did well. Then talk about what can be improved. Praise specific strengths. Don’t just criticize things that were
    done wrong.
  2. Follow up with consequences for misbehavior. Sometimes parents say things in anger that don’t curb the behavior in the long run. You might say, “Because of what you did, no television for a month.” Both you and your child know that after one or two days the TV will go back on. Decide on consequences that are fair, and then carry them out.
  3. Ask children how they feel. When you ask your child about his or her feelings, the message is that feelings matter and you care.
  4. Find ways to stay calm when angry. It’s normal to get angry or irritated sometimes. Learn to recognize “trigger situations” and do something about them before you lose control. Try taking deep breaths for a few moments. Consider having a “quiet area” where people can go when they are upset. Or you can just stop talking and leave the room for a while. Sit down as a family and talk about what everyone can do to stay calm.
  5. Avoid humiliating or mocking your child. This can make children feel bad about themselves. It can lead to a lack of self-confidence and, in turn, problems with schoolwork, illness, and trouble getting along with friends. Unfair criticism and sarcasm also hurts the bond of trust between children and parents. Be mindful of how you speak to your children. Give them the room to make mistakes as they learn new skills.
  6. Be willing to apologize. Parents need to be able to apologize to their children if what they said was not what they meant. Calmly explain what you really wanted to say. By doing this you’re being a good role model. You’re showing how important it is to apologize after hurting someone. You’re teaching that it’s possible to work through problems with respect for the other person.
  7. Give children choices and respect their wishes. When children have a chance to make choices, they learn how to solve problems. If you make all their choices for them, they’ll never learn this key skill. Giving children ways to express preferences and make decisions shows that their ideas and feelings matter.
  8. Ask questions that help children solve problems on their own. When parents hear their child has a problem, it’s tempting to step in and take over. But this can harm a child’s ability to find solutions on his or her own. A helpful approach is to ask good questions. Examples include, “What do you think you can do in this situation?” and “If you choose a particular solution, what will be the consequences of that choice?”
  9. Read books and stories together. Reading stories aloud is a way to share something enjoyable and learn together about other people. For example, stories can be a way to explore how people deal with common issues like making or losing friends or handling conflicts. Ask your child’s teacher or a librarian to recommend stories on themes that interest you and your children.
  10. Encourage sharing and helping. There are many ways to do this. Together you and your child can prepare food in a homeless shelter or go on a fund-raising walk-a-thon. You can help out elderly neighbors or needy families. This teaches children that what they do can make a difference in the lives of others.

SEL Parenting Articles, Tools, and Booklets

CASEL, & Mid-Atlantic Regional Laboratory for Student Success (2005b). SEL parent packet- Ideas and tools for working with parents and families (Full Packet).
Full packet includes: 1) background information on the role of families in teaching SEL, and how families and teachers can work together to promote SEL, 2) parent handouts, ’10 Things You Can Do at Home,’ ’10 Things You Can Do with Your School,’ ‘Tips for Parents,’ and ‘Books for Parents,’ 3) parents’ views on SEL programs being used at their children’s schools based on a series of interviews with parents, and 4) books, organizations, and programs emphasizing SEL.

Spanish version of SEL parent packet – Ideas and tools for working with parents and families.

Laboratory for Student Success Partnership Series: nos. 109-111 focused on social and emotional aspects of adolescent identity, and how schools and parents can support teens.

Life Education Committee of Kankakee and Iroquois Counties (2008). Snapshots of your child’s social and emotional well-being.
Pamphlets cover different age ranges/grades and provide parents with information on what to expect from children socially and emotionally at different developmental stages, and some basic ways to promote social and emotional well-being in their children.

Bright Futures (2006). What to expect and when to seek help: Developmental tools for families and providers. Tools (English & Spanish versions) designed to help families and service providers support the healthy social and emotional development of children and adolescents. Four stages of childhood are described in these downloadable developmental tools: infancy, early childhood, middle childhood, and adolescence.

Responsive Classroom (2006). Yardsticks child development pamphlet series. Northeast Foundation for Children. Pamplets (English & Spanish versions) help parents and teachers understand common social, physical, and cognitive characteristics of children of different ages so they can support children’s learning at home and at school.

SEL Parenting Books

Building emotional intelligence: Techiques to cultivate inner strength in children.(2008). Lantieri, L., and Goleman, D.  ”In Building Emotional Intelligence, pioneering educator Linda Lantieri joins forces with internationally renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman to offer a breakthrough guide for helping children quiet their minds, calm their bodies, and identify and manage their emotions. Now available to the public for the first time, here are Lantieri’s proven techniques arranged according to age group, complemented by a spoken-word CD with exercises presented by Goleman.” (Amazon Review)

Thinking parent, thinking child. (2005). Shure, M.B. ”…in Thinking Parent, Thinking Child, {Myrna Shure] shows how to apply “I Can Problem Solve” techniques to the top concerns of parents and children from preschoolers through those in their preteen years. Not only will children learn to think about their own and others’ feelings, they’ll also learn to appreciate that you have feelings, too.” Additional SEL parenting books are also available by this author on Amazon.com.

Raising emotionally intelligent teenagers: Parenting with love, laughter, and limits. (2000). Elias, M. J., Tobias, S. E., & Friedlander, B. S. Applying insights from Dan Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence, this book presents common real-life issues, and gives parents strategies for helping their teens become mature and caring adults.

Emotionally intelligent parenting: How to raise a self-disciplined, responsible, socially skilled child. (1999). Elias, M. J., Tobias, S. E., & Friedlander, B. S. The authors provide emotionally intelligent parenting strategies for addressing everyday issues with children. The book includes exercises for raising the family “humor quotient,” becoming aware of feelings, praising and prioritizing, and coaching your child in responsible action.

Raising an emotionally intelligent child. (1998). Gottman, J., Declaire, J., and Goleman, D.
“Raising an emotinoally intelligent child is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world/…[This book] will equip parents with a five-step emotion-coaching process/…written for parents of children of all ages…” (Book Back Cover)

Child Development and Healthy Well-being Books

While not focused specifically on social and emotional skill development, the following books and booklets provide helpful insights into healthy child-rearing practices.

Online Social and Emotional Development Resources